tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post763968121602712127..comments2024-03-04T04:39:15.649-05:00Comments on Passions on Paper ~ by Gina L. Maxwell ~: Wee-Bit WednesdayAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04109677382274000163noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-18733282663833631522010-04-10T18:12:20.930-04:002010-04-10T18:12:20.930-04:00*SIGH*
Sorry my brain is a little fuzzy now. I n...*SIGH*<br /><br />Sorry my brain is a little fuzzy now. I need to come down from my Dominic high.<br /><br />This is a fantastic scene! So, this reader really wants to know what happens before and after. I'm hooked even more than I was!<br /><br />Gena, you are a great writer. Don't ever give up!<br /><br />Something about this part seemed cluttered to me:<br /><br />On a shaky sigh she closed her eyes, one of which overflowed with the sorrow that filled her heart, releasing a single tear from beneath the fan of lashes. It slid over her skin, her shame evident in the trail of moisture it left in its wake. Soft, cool lips pressed lightly to her cheek and took with them the droplet in mid-descent. When he spoke, his breath caressed her cheek like a faint winter breeze, causing shivers that had nothing to do with temperature to ripple down her spine. “God, I can feel your sadness, angel.” His voice was low and gruff, like he struggled to force sound through gravel. “Tell me how to fix it. I’ll do anything.”<br /><br />The rest flows really well, but when I got there I just wanted to skim through to the dialogue. (Sorry!) Maybe it's just me.<br /><br />Love it! Love it! Love it! Can't wait for next time...Lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284738955789123035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-77680691711077764882010-04-08T00:16:00.855-04:002010-04-08T00:16:00.855-04:00Oooh this is a great scene! Grabbed my attention f...Oooh this is a great scene! Grabbed my attention from the start! I have to agree-- that last line is just perfect!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07615258719942916382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-52982466506234769922010-04-07T12:46:35.036-04:002010-04-07T12:46:35.036-04:00Jenni: thank you for commenting on the emotion of ...Jenni: thank you for commenting on the emotion of the scene. It's nice to know that I successfully moved their emotions from my mind to the readers'. I also like your suggested line. I think was going for...I don't know...clever? a play on words? no...I'm not sure. But whatever it was, you're right, it just sort of comes off as vague. Thanks for the input!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04109677382274000163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-4686808547844770022010-04-07T10:06:21.023-04:002010-04-07T10:06:21.023-04:00Gina--I loved the emotion in this scene--it was ve...Gina--I loved the emotion in this scene--it was very powerful. Of course, now I want to know what happened before it--how'd he save her?--and what happens next--does she confess and how does he react?. And that suspense, of course, is exactly what you're looking for. So, very nicely done. <br /><br />There were a couple of instances where I would have gone with slightly different word choices, though only as a personal preference. For example:<br /><br />"Thoughts of regret consumed her mind, yet his tender touch and the intimacy of his stare had her body responding [in a manner that contradicted those thoughts.]" The last bit seemed kind of vague--maybe something like "in a manner that had nothing to do with regrets and everything to do with desire"...or something like that. <br /><br />Realize, of course, that if I am looking at random word choices, it's because nothing bad or strange or inconsistent jumped out of me so I re-read it with a mindset of "Looking" for something to suggest--if that makes sense. <br /><br />Again, this really was a very moving scene.j.leigh.baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12086576155269323425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-19616202197391690742010-04-07T09:43:09.556-04:002010-04-07T09:43:09.556-04:00Nicole: I'm SO glad you liked it! I've com...Nicole: I'm SO glad you liked it! I've come a long way, haven't I? Still a long way to go, I'm sure, but this is definitely better than the earlier stuff you read. Thanks so much for stopping by. I've missed you!<br /><br />Jen: Thanks so much for your continued support and comments! I look forward to hearing from you with each post I write. ;)<br /><br />DL: You're lucky I REALLY like you! :) j/k Nice use of an inside joke.<br /><br />Kristi: Yay, you came!! *jumping up and down and clapping* Yay, you're wordy like me!! lol<br /><br />Thank you so much for the detailed crit! I love hearing whay people did or didn't like specifically. It lets me know what I'm doing right and what I'm not. You know what? After re-reading those lines, I think you're absolutely right about Dom using the word "God". It's actually not in line with his way of speech at all. He's more likely to use "Hell" than he is "God." I'm going to change that. Thanks again!! Oh, and btw, this was MY first Wee-Bit Wednesday, too! lolAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04109677382274000163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-76309029314031273732010-04-07T09:17:14.866-04:002010-04-07T09:17:14.866-04:00This is my first Wee-bit Wednesday but it won'...This is my first Wee-bit Wednesday but it won't be my last!! I loved it...adding you to my blog roll this week so I can keep up more easily! Love the blog, love the excerpt!<br /><br />The whole idea of your story sounds really great! (I'm a sucker for a good paranormal-romance!)<br /><br />And I'm with the above two commenters on the last line - it says it all so simply...great ending to this Chapter.<br /><br />And because I too love constructive criticism (and rambling) here are a few extra thoughts:<br /><br />Favorite lines: <br /><br />*She obeyed, unable to deny him even the smallest request. <br />(This line is one that is so simple but says so much!)<br /><br />*It slid over her skin, her shame evident in the trail of moisture it left in its wake. <br />(Just a beautiful, poetic image)<br /><br />*When his lips were only a breath away from her own he held still, poised at the threshold of no return, giving her plenty of time to back out now and run the other way.<br />(*Sigh* This line sets up the next one and something about it is just...moving. You can feel the passion in it.)<br /><br />Hmmm...only one suggestion sticks out to me in this excerpt and it's a total matter of personal opinion.<br /><br />*Dominic uses the word God twice when talking to Angelica and I find it distracting. It could just be his style of speech but for whatever reason it pulls my attention away from what he is saying. I think this line:<br />“God, woman, is there any emotion that doesn’t look good on you?” <br />Would read better as this:<br />“Is there any emotion that doesn’t look good on you?”<br /><br />Just a thought!<br /><br />I honestly loved it!<br />Happy Wednesday!Kristihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08188460633615049191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-54254880005035510152010-04-07T08:51:40.517-04:002010-04-07T08:51:40.517-04:00Cheesy and unrealistic!
*Ducking from the inevita...Cheesy and unrealistic!<br /><br />*Ducking from the inevitable object being virtually thrown at his head*<br /><br /><i>"Is there any emotion that doesn't look good on you?"</i> I'll admit, that line was pretty good. I enjoyed reading this!DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-7397447357575491252010-04-07T07:47:50.681-04:002010-04-07T07:47:50.681-04:00I'm with Nicole on this one the last line was ...I'm with Nicole on this one the last line was fantastic!!! You are a wonderful writer!<br /><br />Yay for Wee-bit Wednesday! Looks like you're still going strong!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-827750013790933422.post-74525263675759064752010-04-07T07:31:58.566-04:002010-04-07T07:31:58.566-04:00Oh WOW! Great line at the end, and you had some re...Oh WOW! Great line at the end, and you had some really great prose in there, Gina! Love the new blog look, BTW!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com