Top Ten Reasons I Suck at Blogging (Part Deux)

I realized this morning that I should probably get a post up on the ol' blog. I mean, we're already over a week into 2012 and I don't have anything ringing in the new year or saying farewell to the old one. (Although, last month I already posted my predictions for what will happen to me in 2012, which should sort of count.)

Out of sheer laziness, I started checking out my archives, seeing if there's anything in there I could re-post and give new life to. In my quest, I came upon this post wherein I state all the reasons I suck at blogging (with only a little over half of them being actually true). It was then I realized, "Man, I still suck at blogging!" However, the reasons from my first list no longer apply.

So, in the spirit of being honest, I thought I'd rattle off a quick list of CURRENT reasons I suck at blogging, avec pictures. And those reasons are...*drumroll*

10. The last several months I've been spending an inordinate amount of time cutting, revising, rewriting, and tightening my first novel, DESIRES OF THE SOUL, in preparation for my agent query campaign. But the hard work paid off because as of last week, I'm finally done with it. It's now as good as I can get it until I'm lucky enough for an agent or editor to rip it to shreds--er, I mean, gently offer new suggestions--to make it even better.

9. I've been dedicating three hours every day to training my cats, Tigger and Hooch, to do circus-type tricks for a street act as a lucrative side business on the weekends. I saw a guy do it in the Florida Keys so I know it's possible, but they don't seem to be catching on as quickly as I'd hoped. I'm sure it'll be any day now, though.

8. At the end of January my family is moving from our current location in Pittsburgh, PA to San Antonio, TX and there are a lot of details to iron out in a cross-country move, including a week-long trip to San An for fun and house hunting. This is our second big move--the first being from our home state of WI to PA two and a half years ago. This should be our last move though and I'm so excited to finally be able to put down some roots! Sadly, I think romance novels may have skewed my image of the Deep South, because no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find anyone who looked like this guy. More's the pity.




7. Poodle Painting is one of my new favorite hobbies. Obnoxious you say? Why, yes...yes, it is. 

6. After hoping and wishing for over a year, I finally got a NOOK Color for Christmas (thanks hubby!) and proceeded to download and read an obscene amount of books and novellas, forsaking all other things such as writing, blogging, tweeting, and showering.

5. Wanting to do my part in the world to help understand new species, I traveled to Australia as a part of a group who studied the new species of Kangaroo, called the Lazy Kangy. Unlike typical Kangaroos, these adorable creatures are content lazing in the sun, striking Playboy-esque poses to attract their potential mates.




4. I wasted a good two weeks stalking my inbox waiting for an email telling me how I placed in the RCRW Golden Rose contest.  I was so ecstatic when the email finally came and I learned I'd placed first in the Contemporary Series category and the agent judge requested a full from me. My first real contest was a complete success!


3. I was acting as a CP and Beta for a couple of good friends. I take that job very seriously and make sure to give them as much feedback as possible. It takes a long time, but what we both get out of the experience is worth it. Not to mention the gift of reciprocity when it's my turn who needs them.




2. I'm a HUGE Transformers fan, so when I spotted THE Bumblebee in the parking lot of the movie theater, I had to stop and schmooze with him. I acted like a total bumbling fool, but he was very sweet and grounded. He let me take this picture of him and we've been pen pals ever since. Come on, if you could be friends with an Autobot, wouldn't you?






And the number one reason I still suck at blogging is...


1. Honestly, I just don't think of it! I don't have near the audience I used to before I went off-grid for a while, so I no longer feel that sense of urgency to put up fresh content. I know, it's a crappy reason. But I just said I had ten of them, not that they were all good ones (or even real, for that matter).


So one of my goals this year is to post once a week. I think that's a reasonable expectation of myself. And because I have a different audience now than I did when I started, perhaps I'll revive an archived post once a month too. Oh, and because I'll be working on writing the sequels to DotS this year, I should have plenty of content to bring back Wee-Bit Wednesdays. Those don't take any time at all. Just a quick copy and paste of a snippet, and voila!

Feel free to berate me if I don't stick to the plan. I respond well to peer pressure. :)

Ciao, bellas!

Top 10 Things I Learned from Writing a Book: #8 Sometimes you must kill that which you love

So I’ve finished my first novel, Desires of the Soul, and it’s caused me to reflect on the things I’ve learned. Naturally, I want to share them with all of you. Maybe you’ve learned the same things; maybe you were lucky enough to already possess this wisdom. Either way, for the next couple of months, I’ll be posting a new lesson-learned every week (or so). I hope you’ll check back each week and weigh in with thoughts or lessons of your own. So without further ado, here is…

#8. Sometimes you must kill that which you love

It’s called “killing your darlings” in the literary world. You can write the most kickass chapter ever with clever phrases, amazing descriptions and phenomenal chemistry…but that doesn’t mean it belongs in your book.

After I finished one of my drafts, I sent it off to my three beta readers for some good ole crit-love. They all came back with a common theme:

The first three chapters are great (*puffs chest out in pride*), but not necessary for the story...(*dagger to the heart…*) Axe ‘em. (*…aaannd twist!*)

I did the whole, “Really? Huh. I’ll look it over and give that some serious thought.”

But what I was screaming in my head was, “Are you effing kidding me?!?! Do you have any idea how much I love those chapters? How will people know what their relationship was like before he was turned into a vampire? How are they supposed to see how viciously he struggled against them to spare the woman he loves the same fate? Not to mention how his turning actually helped his subsequent brilliant escape. It’s just not possible. So put. Down. The crack pipe.”

Top 10 Things I Learned from Writing a Book: #9 Trim the fat & get to the good stuff

So I’ve finished my first novel, Desires of the Soul, and it’s caused me to reflect on the things I’ve learned. Naturally, I want to share them with all of you. Maybe you’ve learned the same things; maybe you were lucky enough to already possess this wisdom. Either way, for the next couple of months, I’ll be posting a new lesson-learned every week (or so). I hope you’ll check back and weigh in with thoughts or lessons of your own. So without further ado, here is...

#9. Trim the fat & get to the good stuff

This is something I still have a hard time with.  For those who have read my previous post I wish I was an under-achiever, you know that I’m not the writer who fleshes out the book and then fills it in with details later.  I’m also not the writer who can be described as “succinct” in her writing.

Nope, I’m long-winded, an embellisher, a detailed digresser.  The practice of “short and sweet”
completely escapes me.

But if we wax poetic about what our main character had for breakfast and how it was prepared, we’re slowing our pace down and getting away from what’s truly important in the scene.  So unless those pancakes trigger a vital memory or are the cause of his food poisoning, skip it.  Take it out.  You don’t need it.

I’ll give you an example from my first chapter of how I trimmed the fat and changed an entire paragraph into one simple sentence…

Top 10 Things I Learned from Writing a Book: #10 Fiction writing is a whole different animal

So I’ve finished my first novel, Desires of the Soul, and it’s caused me to reflect on the things I’ve learned. Naturally, I want to share them with all of you. Maybe you’ve learned the same things; maybe you were lucky enough to already possess this wisdom. Either way, for the next couple of months, I’ll be posting a new lesson-learned every week. I hope you’ll check back and weigh in with thoughts or lessons of your own. So without further ado, here is...

#10. Fiction writing is a whole different animal

As it turns out, spinning witty tales of my life via email is completely different from writing exceptional fiction. Who knew? When I started out, I sure as hell didn’t.

Friends and family often commented on how much they enjoyed reading my tales, or how funny they were, or that I should be a writer. [Aside: In all honesty, the only time I'm funny and witty is when I'm writing. If you were to speak to me in person you'd think Paul Rudd used me as a character study for his role in I Love You, Man.] I loved their reactions—after all, why try to be entertaining if no one appreciates it—but I never took their off-handed career advice seriously. To me, it was just another way for them to say, “Hey, that was great!”

Top Ten Reasons I Suck at Blogging

I can't help but wonder...Did I do something wrong? Say the wrong thing? Bore you to death?

Something had to have happened. I feel like I've lost you. You don't visit me anymore. You don't write. And when we talk, your eyes glaze over like a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Heck, you're probably thinking about Krispy Kreme doughnuts while I'm talking. (You're certainly thinking about them now, aren't you? Mmmmm. Warm, sticky, ooey-gooey goodness.)

I realize, however, that it takes two to tango. It's true. I tried it by myself once, but I nearly cracked my skull when I failed to hold myself during the dip. So I take full responsibility for my role in this crumbling relationship. I neglected you for quite some time. I know this. And I'm sorry. A regular blogger, I am not.

But, since I've never once accepted fault for anything without some darn good defensive statements that contradict my self-accountability (just ask my husband), here are...

The Top Ten Reasons I Suck at Blogging

10. I've been doing a lot of research about writing - both regarding the skills needed and business aspects of the craft.

9. My dog ate my internet modem.

8. I forgot which of my usernames and passwords I used for my blog, then forgot which of my three email accounts the hint would've been sent to, then realized I'd set all three accounts to automatically delete anything sent to my junk mail because spam makes me crazy.


7. I couldn't come up with anything clever or interesting to say.


6. My blogsite was tagged by the FBI as having possible criminal coded activity and an investigation was launched, during which time I was not allowed to post anything new.


5. I purchased a couple of books from Half Priced Books and subsequently ignored the world around me until I finished them.

4. Instead of chilling and writing a blog when I come home from my part time job at night (which is around midnight, but I can't just fall into bed - I need chill time first), I watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand and drool over Andy Whitfield in all his half-naked gladiator glory. For reals. Google him. He's yummy.

3. My cat didn't understand the difference and ate my computer mouse.

2. I've been having an affair with Mr. Chuck Wendig. Okay, not really him per se, but rather his blog Terribleminds. As with everything else, when I find something I likey, I get a little obsessed...ey. Whatever. Go check him out. I dig him. Er, his writing. (Warning: only those who favor loads of Truck Driver Vernacular and enjoy witty, yet twisted, metaphors on topics such as writing and mystical beards need apply)

And the Number One Reason I Suck at Blogging is........

1. Look, I have a full time job, part time job, a husband, 2 kids and 2 cats, all of which demand most of my time. The meager amount that remains in the day is divided (though not equally, by far) between the rewrites of my novel and this blog. Cut me some slack....Please.

So there you have it, folks. All the reasons (okay, only a handful of those are actually true. i'll let you decide which is which) I suck at blogging. That being said, I fully intend to get better at this shindig. I'm going to try for at least one good post a week, hopefully more. But I'm warning you, if your eyes don't start clearing up and you keep looking through me without a word...I might just give up on this wonderful thing we have.