Authors Gone Wild! (wherein they act like boobs instead of flashing them)

By now I'm sure most of you have seen at least a few examples of Authors Behaving Badly in regards to reviews they've found to be less than favorable. No? Well, here's the worst example I've seen. And if that isn't enough for you, simply Google "authors behaving badly" and you can spend days getting lost in the muckety-muck.

I haven't gotten too wrapped up in this whole blowup, but it seems like it's turned into an Interwebz Civil War...only without any civility whatsoever. Authors and Reviewers are choosing sides, sometimes pitting friend against friend, as everyone weighs in--rather heavily--on the subject of authors and reviewers mixing it up.

Everyone has the right to speak their piece. That's a given. In an ideal world, people would take others' feelings into consideration and refrain from being total jagdishes. Unfortunately, our precious world is far from ideal and there are a lot of assholes out there who couldn't give a damn about anyone's feelings. Such is life.

My author friend, Jessa Slade, wrote a post about this whole debacle and used a great analogy, comparing authors and reviewers to unwed parents. I like that analogy, especially since authors are wont to view their stories as their "precious babies."

So, following that line of thinking, I believe the parents in Jessa's analogy should stay far away from one another. You know, all that "and never the twain shall meet" kind of thing. Authors should view it as having a restraining order against them once someone has reviewed their book. At most, a polite nod from across the street to acknowledge the reviewer's presence would be appropriate. And that's even if the review is wonderful! Just like you don't want to hurt your image by bashing the reviewer if they found your book to be less than cookie-dough-wonderful, I think it would seem just as unprofessional to publicly gush your appreciation for a glowing review.

This recent 'splosion of shite is a perfect example of a few bad apples spoiling the whole bunch (here's a Goodreads shelf listing a whole bushel of those bad apples). But with the internet's permanency and lightning-quick ability to make anything viral in a matter of minutes, the spoilage spreads faster and farther than ever before.

The best we can do as authors is write a book to the best of our ability. But once we hand it off to the masses, we can't control how they'll receive it. Hopefully they'll love it, but not everyone will. It's an absolute and unequivocal certainty.

Authors, do yourself a favor, and stop the review-stalking madness. If you must say anything at all, please leave it at, "Thank you for your time," and then go write another book.

Ciao, bellas!

Wee-Bit Wednesday: Calendar Guy Edition

Hooray for my first Wee-Bit Wednesday of 2012! Now that I'm working on the third book in the Prophecy of Souls trilogy, SOUL SEDUCTION, all of my WBWs for the next couple of months will be from this one. (BTW, yes, I realize I haven't written the second one yet, but #2 isn't being nearly as cooperative as #3 so I have to go with the flow.)

In the first WBW I did for SS (if you didn't see it, you can find it here) we're introduced to the hero, Gabriel, and his German shepherd, Czar, as they watch a woman walk toward them on the lonely stretch of desert road.

In this edition we switch to said woman's point of view as she gets her first good look at the handsome, if not a little surly, shop mechanic who's agreed to help her.

For those who love a good visual, Ava is modeled physically after the Latin pop-star, Shakira.

Playing our calendar boy in this clip is, Gabriel, also known in real life as model Marco Dapper. (Go HERE for more pics and stats of Gabriel...you can thank me later)

Aaaaaaaaand, ACTION!

#     #     #

He grabbed a gallon of antifreeze from his meager stock and repeated, “Name’s Gabriel. Not Gabe.”

Ava smirked at his back and decided to ignore his surly attitude. As he walked over to the counter in the back corner, she followed and took another moment to admire him. His black hair was a few months overdue for a cut, the ends brushing his eyebrows that arched perfectly over the most killer aqua eyes she’d ever seen. A white cigarette peeked from behind his right ear, but oddly enough, she couldn’t smell the stale stench of smoked tobacco, nor had she noticed any butts lying around. He had to be almost six-and-a-half feet tall with the body of a Navy SEAL in his prime. Wearing nothing but biker boots, faded jeans, a leather cuff on his right wrist, and a grease-smudged wife-beater, the man was calendar material from head to toe. All he needed was a bucket of soapy water to pour over his body, which her vivid imagination happily supplied.

“That’ll be thirty-five dollars.”

The mention of money killed her calendar fantasy and breathed new life into the reality of her situation. “I don’t mean to look a gift mechanic in the mouth, Gabe, but how in the hell do you get off selling a gallon of antifreeze for thirty-five bucks?”

“Antifreeze is fifteen. The ride to your truck is twenty.”

“What?” she cried. “That’s outrageous!”

He shrugged one large shoulder. “That’s business.”

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Isn't he adorable, folks? Okay, well, "adorable" probably isn't the best word, but you know what I mean. Thanks for stopping by and make sure you tune in next Wednesday when Ava tries to con Gabriel and it backfires on her, big time. ;)

Ciao, bellas!

Top Ten Reasons I Suck at Blogging (Part Deux)

I realized this morning that I should probably get a post up on the ol' blog. I mean, we're already over a week into 2012 and I don't have anything ringing in the new year or saying farewell to the old one. (Although, last month I already posted my predictions for what will happen to me in 2012, which should sort of count.)

Out of sheer laziness, I started checking out my archives, seeing if there's anything in there I could re-post and give new life to. In my quest, I came upon this post wherein I state all the reasons I suck at blogging (with only a little over half of them being actually true). It was then I realized, "Man, I still suck at blogging!" However, the reasons from my first list no longer apply.

So, in the spirit of being honest, I thought I'd rattle off a quick list of CURRENT reasons I suck at blogging, avec pictures. And those reasons are...*drumroll*

10. The last several months I've been spending an inordinate amount of time cutting, revising, rewriting, and tightening my first novel, DESIRES OF THE SOUL, in preparation for my agent query campaign. But the hard work paid off because as of last week, I'm finally done with it. It's now as good as I can get it until I'm lucky enough for an agent or editor to rip it to shreds--er, I mean, gently offer new suggestions--to make it even better.

9. I've been dedicating three hours every day to training my cats, Tigger and Hooch, to do circus-type tricks for a street act as a lucrative side business on the weekends. I saw a guy do it in the Florida Keys so I know it's possible, but they don't seem to be catching on as quickly as I'd hoped. I'm sure it'll be any day now, though.

8. At the end of January my family is moving from our current location in Pittsburgh, PA to San Antonio, TX and there are a lot of details to iron out in a cross-country move, including a week-long trip to San An for fun and house hunting. This is our second big move--the first being from our home state of WI to PA two and a half years ago. This should be our last move though and I'm so excited to finally be able to put down some roots! Sadly, I think romance novels may have skewed my image of the Deep South, because no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find anyone who looked like this guy. More's the pity.




7. Poodle Painting is one of my new favorite hobbies. Obnoxious you say? Why, yes...yes, it is. 

6. After hoping and wishing for over a year, I finally got a NOOK Color for Christmas (thanks hubby!) and proceeded to download and read an obscene amount of books and novellas, forsaking all other things such as writing, blogging, tweeting, and showering.

5. Wanting to do my part in the world to help understand new species, I traveled to Australia as a part of a group who studied the new species of Kangaroo, called the Lazy Kangy. Unlike typical Kangaroos, these adorable creatures are content lazing in the sun, striking Playboy-esque poses to attract their potential mates.




4. I wasted a good two weeks stalking my inbox waiting for an email telling me how I placed in the RCRW Golden Rose contest.  I was so ecstatic when the email finally came and I learned I'd placed first in the Contemporary Series category and the agent judge requested a full from me. My first real contest was a complete success!


3. I was acting as a CP and Beta for a couple of good friends. I take that job very seriously and make sure to give them as much feedback as possible. It takes a long time, but what we both get out of the experience is worth it. Not to mention the gift of reciprocity when it's my turn who needs them.




2. I'm a HUGE Transformers fan, so when I spotted THE Bumblebee in the parking lot of the movie theater, I had to stop and schmooze with him. I acted like a total bumbling fool, but he was very sweet and grounded. He let me take this picture of him and we've been pen pals ever since. Come on, if you could be friends with an Autobot, wouldn't you?






And the number one reason I still suck at blogging is...


1. Honestly, I just don't think of it! I don't have near the audience I used to before I went off-grid for a while, so I no longer feel that sense of urgency to put up fresh content. I know, it's a crappy reason. But I just said I had ten of them, not that they were all good ones (or even real, for that matter).


So one of my goals this year is to post once a week. I think that's a reasonable expectation of myself. And because I have a different audience now than I did when I started, perhaps I'll revive an archived post once a month too. Oh, and because I'll be working on writing the sequels to DotS this year, I should have plenty of content to bring back Wee-Bit Wednesdays. Those don't take any time at all. Just a quick copy and paste of a snippet, and voila!

Feel free to berate me if I don't stick to the plan. I respond well to peer pressure. :)

Ciao, bellas!

My Golden Rose Achievment

I WON! I won I  won  I  won  I  won . I. WON!

(Does that word look weird to anyone else now? No? Alrighty, moving on then.)

*clears throat*

Hello, friends! If you haven't already guessed, I recently found out

I placed first in the Contemporary Series category
of the RCRW Golden Rose Contest

that I entered a few months back. It was the first real contest I'd ever entered so I'm absolutely ecstatic! On top of that, the literary agent who judged the final round has asked to see my full manuscript. Yay me!

It looks like this is a great omen for
how I predict my 2012 year to go.

The Power of Projection (or, Stuff I Want to Happen in 2012)

The end of yet another year approaches, and so begins the timeless act of making promises to oneself for the new year. Things we will do better to improve our quality of life and of those around us.

This year I'm going to do something to improve my chances of having a spectacular 2012. I'm going to harness the power of projection by writing about the coming year as though it's already happened. I'm going to carve my goals, wishes, and things I wouldn't mind happening into The Cosmos (otherwise known as the interwebz where anything posted remains in the universe forever and the rules of "take backs" and "do-overs" do not exist), thereby practically ensuring my complete success.

So, without further ado, here is what happened to me in 2012...


Early in the year my dream agent contacted me and asked for a full based on a query I sent her with some sample chapters. After I sent off the full DESIRES OF THE SOUL manuscript, it only took a few days before she contacted me asking if we could speak on the phone.


I had a lovely conversation with her regarding my manuscript. She said it still needed some work, but that she felt passionately about the story and wanted to work with me to build my career. Before we hung up my dream agent offered me representation, to which I accepted enthusiastically (consequently getting me kicked out of the library for interrupting Story Time for Tots with my shouts of "YES YES YES!" while jumping around like a deranged kangaroo).


About this time I discovered a miracle pill that transforms all food into fat-burning, muscle-toning energy. As a result of taking that pill only once I quickly acquired the body I had at seventeen and haven't gained a pound since.

Blasts From the Past (or, Books From My Youth)

Last week my good friend and contemporary romance author, Ruthie Knox, rediscovered the first romance novel she'd ever read thanks to an interview promoting her debut novel, RIDE WITH ME (release date Feb 2012).

Via Twitter, Ruthie regaled us with snippets of the cheesy eighties dialogue and summarized the diabolically complex conflict (hero was vaguely a ladies' man in the past and the heroine has a flawless moral compass which keeps her life firmly on the correct and inexplicably boring path of goodness, hence the implied severe sarcasm with the adjective "complex"). From her tweets, Ruthie, our friend Cara McKenna, and I created a drinking game (every time heroine gets "warm, fuzzy feeling" DRINK) and made plans to send it to each other through the mail at major turning points in our lives, creating our very own Sisterhood of the Traveling Eighties Romance Novel. And although we won't follow through on either of those fun ideas, it was a riot of a tweet thread.

Ironically enough, when I went home for the Thanksgiving week, my mom pulled out a box of books from my youth. It was so fun to go through them all with my kids and reminisce about the plots and characters that started my love of reading (and eventually writing). I didn't find any of my romance novels in there--those would come a few years later I think--but I had a ton of Christopher Pike books, a good chunk of R.L. Stine books, and a smattering of random YA paperbacks, including a few Choose Your Own Adventures which I eagerly gave to my ten-year-old son hoping to convince him to hop on the "reading is fun bandwagon" his young Xbox brain is resisting so vehemently. ("Look! It's just like your video games where you get to choose what you're going to say and where you go next...except it's in your head! How awesome is that?" Seriously, why don't they make the CYOA books anymore? If we have to bring back the oh-so-wrong neon wardrobe of the eighties, why not those books? It only seems fair.) Also in that box? The only Stephen King book I've ever read, THE DARK HALF.

At any rate, my twelve-year-old daughter chose a small stack that interested her and I picked out a select few that I remember really loving (SIX MONTHS TO LIVE and I WANT TO LIVE by Lurlene McDaniel) and a couple that I didn't so much as remember but wanted to read again out of curiosity.

The first book I read was in the latter category, a YA called MOVING TOO FAST. It's a relatively small paperback which would probably be considered a novella by today's standards. Like Ruthie found with her book, this story had very minimal conflict. The plot went something like this:

Meet My Characters: Gabriel

Gabriel Russo*: hero of SOUL SEDUCTION

Age: 26, going on 46
Height: Tall enough (6' 6")
Weight: Enough to throw around (225)
Hair: Black, windblown & fingercombed, unshaven
Eyes: Girly blue (aquamarine)
Occupation: Mechanic/shop owner
Location: None of your business (Arizona desert)
Father: Dominic, vampire & Hunter for the Dark Race
Mother: Angelica, healer angel & pediatric oncologist
Sister: Jenni, empathic oracle & major pain in the ass


Gabriel is the only son of Dominic and Angelica, the couple who set the Prophecy of Souls in motion 26 years ago with Gabriel's birth. As the Chosen One of the prophecy, he's destined to prevent the mass destruction of mankind's souls. But ever since he was kidnapped at the age of eleven and watched people sacrifice their lives to save his, Gabriel repressed his natural powers and disappeared to the Arizona desert in his early twenties to avoid bringing the Devil's army to his family's door.

With only a stray dog as company, Gabriel pretends to be content fixing cars at his shop in Bum-Fuck Nowhere and ignoring the human population as much as possible.

 

 

That is until a wildcat of a woman shows up with her pet puma and refuses to be cowed by his surly attitude and blatant brush-offs. Until he discovers that Ava could be the catalyst to bring about the final battle he's been avoiding, and no amount of denial will save him from his destiny, or her love.

So, what do you think of my current main man? Hunky, right?!

*Pictures are of model/actor Marco Dapper and courtesy of Google Images